Jessica Alba and Cash Warren Engaged

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren Engaged! Alba’s rep has confirmed to gossip magazine People that she and boyfriend Cash Warren are engaged. Alba was also spotted over Christmas wearing a large engagement ring.

Shouldn’t the engagement news normally come after the baby news? If Jessica and Cash have decided to get engaged to cover up the fact of (gasp!) premarital sex, they’ve done it just a little too late. But we never thought either of them looked precisely… smart.

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Jamie Lynn Spears: Bad Taste in Men. Duh.

Jamie Lynn Spears seems to share her sister’s bad taste in men. A friend of Jamie’s has reported to celebrity tabloid The National Enquirer that “Casey is a serial cheater who lied to Jamie and betrayed her time and time again.” Which we appreciate, of course… friends need to make money, too, even if it’s by selling their friends out to the tabloids. And we need gossip.

According to this mystery friend, the father of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn’s baby, 18-year-old construction worker Casey Aldridge, has cheated on Jamie Lynn with at least three other girls, and got one of the three pregnant. That makes, what? Two out of four girls knocked up? Nice, Casey… you’ve proven you’re virile. Now quit it.

“The past spring Casey was forced to tell Jamie Lynn that he’d cheated and gotten the girl pregnant….The girl miscarried several months later, but Jamie Lynn had already taken Casey back two weeks earlier.” The National Enquirer also alleges that Casey has continued cheating since hearing the news that Jamie Lynn is pregnant with his child.

You’d better work hard to keep this wandering prince charming, Jamie Lynn… you don’t want to lose hold of your own personal K-Fed.

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The End of the Penns

Sean Penn and his wife, Robin Wright Penn, are getting a divorce, according to People. The couple, who have been married 11 years, have confirmed via their rep, Mara Buxbaum, that their marriage is ending. They have two children together, Hopper Jack, 14, and Dylan Francis, 16.

What is it with these people and their long-ass names?

Anyway, there are no other details available at the moment. We’re on the edge of our seats, though, hoping to hear about how Sean Penn’s tearful intensity just got to be “too much” for Robin. And how couldn’t it?

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Hayden’s Not Jailbait… She’s My Girlfriend

During the last months, rumors have been flying that Milo Ventimiglia and Hayden Panettiere, who are co-stars on hit TV show Heroes, are dating. The pair have always denied the rumors, insisting they’re just friends. Looks like they were a couple of liars, because Milo’s finally come clean: he’s robbing the cradle.

According to reports, Milo, who’s 30, announced that he and Hayden, 18, are officially dating during a toast to the pint-sized actress at a Christmas party. Sources says that Milo has already informed his Heroes co-stars that he and Jailbate Panettierre (insert Panty-stare or Pants-derrierre joke here… what a name!) are dating, and even claims that he loves her. “He called her his girlfriend and said that he loved her,” an eyewitness said.

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Mischa Barton Busted!

Mischa Barton Busted! No wonder the young star’s been looking so old and ragged lately– it’s all the time she spends at the bar! Barton, former star of crappy teen drama O.C., was arrested on December 27 at 2:46 a.m. for driving under the influence, as well as driving without a valid license and in possession of narcotics. Naughty girl.

Gossip site PageSix.com reports that Mischa is still in custody and is being held on $10,000 bail. More soon.

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Britney Grinches Up Christmas

Britney Grinches Up Christmas Yes, Britney, we know it’s all about you.

Now it seems that her two boys, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, know it too. Apparently, Britney Spears is so upset with her parents for, you know, trying to help her clean up her act (how evil of them!) that she didn’t let her two sons open their Christmas presents from Grandpa and Grandma Spears.

A family insider told celebrity gossip site PageSix.com that “Britney would not let her boys open the gifts from her mom and dad. Apparently she hid them, and she told Kevin [Federline] she might send them back to her parents un-opened.” That’s cold, Brit.

According to the family insider, Kevin did his best to set Britney straight.”Kevin told her to stop acting like a spoiled brat,” said the family insider. “He asked her to give them to him and he would let them open them.” Ah, Kevin. Always the voice of reason.

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Duhamel Proposed to Fergie

Yep, it looks like everybody’s favorite pee… oops, we mean Pea (sorry Ferg, it’s hard to live down wetting your pants on stage), is officially off the market. According to celebrity gossip site TMZ, TV hottie Josh Duhamel has popped the question to the singer.

The pair have been dating since 2004. Josh’s rep confirmed the news, saying only that Josh proposed to Fergie “recently,” but not on Christmas.No more details are available at the moment, and it hasn’t yet been confirmed that the hygienically-challenged singer will wash for the ceremony.We’re all dying to see what Fergie will wear to the wedding. A shredded schoolgirl skirt with gladiator sandals? Dominatrix black leather and pigtails? We’re sure that, whatever she chooses, it’ll have a nice built-in liner in case she just… can’t… hold… it… in.

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Poor Paris… Literally

Sounds like Grandpa isn’t so happy with granddaughter Paris Hilton anymore– or anybody else in the ultra rich Hilton family, for that matter. Since July, he’s been talking about leaving his entire fortune to charity when he dies. Now it seems he’s decided for good, and will be leaving poor sweet Paris’s inheritance to a bunch of ungrateful… people in need. What a jerk.

Barron Hilton announced on Wednesday that he will be leaving 97 percent of his $2.3 billion fortune to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, and not to the Paris Hilton “Money is Wasted on the Rich” Foundation. After the 97% is taken out, about $130 million will be leftover for the poor rejected Hilton family.

In the past, Barron Hilton has been quoted as saying he was “embarrassed” by granddaughter Paris’s behavior, and at one point threatened to take away her entire inheritance. As is, it seems sure that Paris wouldn’t be receiving the $30 million she’d been expecting. We here at Dumb Ass Celebrities are busy pooling together our money to keep her out of the poor house.

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Ashlee Who?

It sounds like Ashlee Simpson’s new album –and perhaps her last chance for success as a “musician”– is going to be something of a dud. Is it because she can’t really sing? Maybe. But it’s also because of that pregnant teen bitch, Jamie Lynn Spears.

According to sources close to Ashlee, the sorta-singer is pissed of that Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy as stolen all the thunder from the release of her new record. We, on the other hand, can’t help but be a little relieved. If nobody buys it, perhaps she’ll stop.

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Brad and Angelina: Keeping it Cool in the Big Easy

Despite that fact that they’re both, well, physically perfect, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem to be a pretty cool, low-key couple.They must be secret vampires or something. How else do they manage it?

It seems that Brad and Angelina spend most of their time in the city just… hanging out. Drinking Starbucks coffee. Shopping. And how does Brad spend his birthday in New Orleans? Not at a Hollywood party with a dozen strippers, but on a bike ride with his kids.

Then again, I guess going home with Angelina Jolie every night is a party all on its own.

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